War of One
by pyjamarama-girl
Summary: Set immediately after LMPTM. Just a quick peek into the brain of Buffy.


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TITLE: "**War of One**"  
AUTHOR: Daffvis  
FEEDBACK: Yes please ;-)  
SUMMARY: Set immediately after LMPTM. Just a quick peek into the brain of Buffy.  
RATING: PG-13.   
DISCLAIMER: Nobody buys me good presents, so I steal other peoples. 

***

Buffy watched as the vampire paced the length of her porch. Chain-smoking cigarettes and mumbling under his breath, he was the very picture of impatience. Was he waiting for her? Nah. By the looks of things, old Spikey was waging a little war of one. Not much of a surprise, really. Tonight had been intense, to say the least. 

She sighed, putting away the last of the dishes. The sooner the apocalypse came, the better. She'd had just about enough of all her houseguests, and couldn't wait for things to get back to normal. 

Normal. Yeah right, cuz a vampire, former key, former evil witch, slayer, slayer's son and watcher? _So_ of the normal, for her at least. Not to mention the former-former ex-demon. Or is that ex former ex former demon? Damn, things were too damn confusing around here. And now Spike was back to his bad self. Or was he? Was this the start of another incarnation of William the Bloody, coz honestly? She was having trouble keeping up. 

First there's _Mr. I'll Kill You On Saturday_. No surprises, apart from his overwhelming impatience. Not that it's a bad thing. She's still breathing, right? 

Then comes _Mr. Chips Ahoy_. Kinda pathetic, very aggressive and funny. Although, mostly unintentional. 

Then comes "_I love you Buffy, let me chain you up and count the ways_". That one she coulda done without. _Really_. Although in hindsight, that year had been a good year with Spike. That's if you ignore the chaining up, the return of crazy exes, and the sexbot. Not to mention her death and all. That was good ally Spike. 

Then she came back. And Spike is super sweet, super quiet, and super understanding. That's what she likes to call unnerving. He was too damn perceptive, and he used that to his advantage. Convinced her of things, when she was feeling so lost and vulnerable. 

And God, could she _be_ more full of shit? She sighed again and hung the dishtowel on the rack, taking the time to smooth out the folds, and gather her thoughts. 

Not taking advantage, not really. Sure, he had his moments, but they both knew who was manipulating the entire relationship. Not that the car wreck they had could be called a relationship. It was just a big old mess. 

Best not to dwell, that's what Giles keeps telling her, so moving on. 

Then came crazy Spike_. I'll kill because I've got a soul_. Now that one was a surprise, more so than the falling in love with a Slayer. He went out and got a soul, for _her_. And it still made her unsure of her role in the world, let alone his life. Then there was the fact that he gained a soul, which made him vulnerable to the First. That was just cruel. Getting a soul to be a better man, and then becoming the killing machine butt monkey of an evil entity? No wonder Spike had been so bitchy. 

Now there's chipless, triggerless, souled up Spike, who just gave Robin an ass whooping. Justified? How the hell did she know what was right anymore? Surprising? Not in the least. The fact is she'd have beaten him more. She'd beaten _Spike_ more. She knew how rage could fuel you into doing some damn stupid things. And he didn't kill, when he could have. To prove to himself he was whole again, to prove to everyone here that he wasn't to be messed with. But he didn't, because he knew it was the wrong thing to do. Was that the soul's influence? 

Sitting down at the breakfast table, she pondered that. Somehow she really thought Spike would do the same thing without the soul. Maybe it was the influence of the Scoobies, maybe it was that whole undying love thing for her, but he wouldn't have done it a year ago either, not if she really thinks about it. 

He was always surprising her, and tonight had been no exception. Well, tonight had been full of surprises, but this had been a good one. _The_ good one, actually. He wasn't just going to give up, and he had to appreciate that. She wasn't even sure she could put up with everything that had been dumped on him this year. He was a lot stronger that she'd given him credit for, and not physically. He was always a good match for her there. Emotionally, he was important to her. She needed him to be around. To keep her grounded, keep her strong. 

Chewing her bottom lip, the thoughts kept coming. It was weird. She was depending on him an awful lot at the moment, and if she was perfectly honest it _wasn't_ just for the sake of war. She cared for him, that much wasn't a secret. But sometimes? Sometimes it felt empty without him around. Sometimes she missed him the way she missed her mom. Like a part of her life was gone. So when he came back, she didn't want to let it go. But she had to, and he'd come back, again and again. She couldn't afford to forget that. She'd forgotten once, what a good man he could be. She wouldn't make the same mistake again. It wasn't fair on him, and it wasn't fair on her. She'd let good people slip through her fingers, and held on to mistakes and history. Now was a time for fresh starts, and that included new behaviors. 

"Yeah right. Coz teaching old Buffy new tricks is always so successful," she muttered under her breath. 

"That right luv?" asked Spike, pushing himself away from the door, as Buffy jumped with surprise. 

"Jesus Spike! How long have you been lurking there?" 

"Not long," he replied with a smirk. "Just figured you didn't want interrupting. Looked like you were waging a little war with yourself, seemed like a good idea just to wait it out." 

Buffy smiled and shook her head. Perceptive as usual. She could always depend on that. Always rely on that. 

"I'm glad you did, actually. Had to work through some stuff. Wanna patrol?" 

"Always luv, always." 


End file.
